Don't Read Into It #7: Relieved

My man is cheating on me.

And I’m glad

Because I’m an asexual, bisexual woman of the Black variety

And I’m due for a refill on my escitalopram prescription

(which doesn’t do much but keep me from walking off the edge of the world)

And

I can’t sleep with or without the quetiapine

Because I hallucinate conversations in my dreams, full of apologies I'll never hear

My nightmares consist of clocks that tick

And the phrase “black bodies” printed on cotton t-shirts sewn by Filipino slaves

And evil white shapeless figures shaped like men chase me in my dreams

And in my awake the dark ones berate me with compliments that hurt my skin

So, I can’t love right

And I can't give love today

I don’t have any more love to give

Because I’ve wasted all I had on the fruits of someone else’s womb

And I'm too concerned for their wellbeing to go and get it back

And I’m sleepy all the time

So, I’m glad

For once

Because

My man is cheating on me.

Which means he found a love that I can’t find

Because I put all my efforts into not losing my mind

And I’m losing the losing battle

And I can’t leave because he loves me

But some other woman wants love

And got some extra to give

I guess

So, I’m glad

So, I’m relieved

Because

My man is cheating on me.

Hopefully with someone who can give him

The one piece of the world

That I can never seem to get ahold of

The peace that gets further from me whenever I love past leaving

The piece that is themselves.