Rejecting Normal

It’s been all over news outlets and social media sites. People are exclaiming that things will never go back to how they were prior to the quarantine caused by the 2020 coronavirus pandemic. One of my favorite new R&B artists, Ari Lennox tweeted “none of us will ever be the same. Life won’t ever be what it was.” Everyone seems to be lamenting this new realization that what we called “normal,” may never return. I, like many others, did not realize how long the quarantine was going to last when it began. In reality, I didn’t really know what to think - but I didn’t think this. I don’t think there was really any way for me to conceptualize what the length and effects of the quarantine would be.

Some Background:

I began quarantine on March 14th, though the official “stay home, stay safe” quarantine order for my state was not announced until March 19th. I remember the exact date because it was my birthday. I had made huge plans for my birthday - which is completely out of character for me. I made plans with family and friends and bought a plane ticket for the end of March to celebrate with a vacation. None of my plans ever came to fruition, meaning I never was able to celebrate my birthday. Brunch was canceled, the day party I was invited to was canceled, and a few days later, as reality dawned on me, I canceled my flight.

Despite the stresses and odd sleep patterns that this quarantine has caused, it has also provided me with some insight. I don’t want to go back to normal. I don’t want to go back to waking up at 6 am to go to my first thankless job, then going directly from my first job to my second, where I work until I’m finished with my tasks as well as any extra work that is asked of me. I often do not return home until after 7:00. When this quarantine ends, I want to reject the brand of normalcy that I was once accustomed. I want to really solidify the things that I do not want to go back to, including:

• Overworking myself professionally

• Not getting enough sleep

• Worrying about saving enough money to do things in the future instead of doing things now, knowing that there isn't always going to be a future (A bit grim, but important to realize)

• Not making time for myself and what I enjoy outside of work

• Waiting for other people to join me instead of doing things alone

• Putting things off until later - a “later” that often never comes

Though COVID-19 has definitely ruined many of my plans and is slowly chipping away at my sanity, it has really given me some clarity and the ability to do some things that had been left by the wayside while I made attempts to get my life together. I feel like I’m really ready to break out of the rut that I’ve dug myself into over the past few years. At the risk of sounding cliche, I am ready to move on to bigger things and on to new adventures. At the same time, I’m ready to work through the stressors of normalcy and let go of all the things that aren’t building me to be a better, healthier, higher functioning version of myself.