Pretty Lies

Can we discuss that phrase that we so often use as a means to comfort ourselves and others? You know the phrase, don’t you? There are a couple of different variations of the phrase, but the idea is that “God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle/bear.” Some non-religious people, or people who didn’t grow up going to church, may not realize that that phrase is actually adapted from a bible verse.

Now, me? I was born and raised in church. I was a preacher’s grandchild (read into that what you will). I was sometimes at church on Sundays before the doors were even unlocked, and I was usually one of the last people in the church afterward. Church was something of an all-day affair for me. I spent most of that time hanging out with my church friends whose parents also stayed late, so it wasn’t a bad experience. Those who had similar experiences growing up in church may be able to attest to having that verse hammered into their head. It is so ingrained in us, that it doesn’t feel much like a verse, rather an old adage that we all know and hold to be self-evident. God doesn’t give you anything that you can’t handle. To so many of us, it’s not just a saying, thrown to the wind, it’s a proven fact.

Well, now would be an important time to note that it’s not true. Unless your definition of “handle” is simply surviving the harm, trauma, or whatever else you’ve gone through — then the verse seems to be better described as a bitter lie. If that’s what “handle” means to you, then one could argue that I’m wrong and that this whole essay is pointless, but to that, I would argue that people die every single day. Good people and bad alike, god-fearing people and atheists all meet their end. I believe it would be true to say that 1. living through pain does not mean that a person is necessarily handling it and 2. people die as a result of their pain all of the time.

So, why would a bible verse lie to us? Why would it tell us something that simply isn’t . Well, the truth is that the Bible verse didn’t lie; perhaps it was the interpreters of the bible, or maybe it’s the way that phrases can be distorted over time and translation. Either way, our ancestors were probably fed this lie unknowingly, but they found themselves comforted and strengthened by that thought. We all know that ignorance is bliss. The verse being quoted is derived from I Corinthians 10:13 (chapter 10, verse 13). Taken from the New International Version (NIV) translation, the full verse states, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

The verse has been taken so far out of context that the original is barely recognizable. In reality, the verse is about temptation. The verse is meant to relay the message that God will not allow a person to be tempted (by sin) past their limits. The writer of the verse goes on to say that even when a person is tempted, God will give them a way to get through it — without sinning. This verse has been used to make people believe that we can overcome anything if we just keep believing, when in reality we should probably be using this verse to keep us from eating that third slice of cake (because we’re definitely eating the second slice).

It’s a beautiful saying, really. It has helped some of us believe that we could truly get through a difficult time in our lives, and some of us did just that. Sometimes all you need is hope, faith, and the knowledge that you can make it through. At the same time, it’s a harmful saying. It causes us to reduce the impact that our struggles are having on our lives, and it can feel like we’re placing the blame on ourselves for not being able to just see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe hope and faith can work in tandem with realistic thinking. We can channel that hope and faith into keeping us strong, while we remain realistic about the pain that our situation is causing us. We can hope, but we can also seek therapy. We can have faith, but we can also stop blaming ourselves for not believing hard enough.

It’s harmful to our minds, our spirits, and our bodies to think that we can just “handle” or “bear” everything. We can’t. Sometimes we are overcome by our obstacles. Sometimes we fail. Sometimes we die. But with the company of our friends, the comfort of our families, and the help from professionals (therapists, nutritionists, etc…) we can often triumph over our pain and our struggles — at least mentally. We can do more than just survive.